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Creative Adventurer

Artist, Poet, Photographer, and Nude Model

Dear Earthlings,

As you know, I usually have trouble expressing my deepest thoughts and feelings...NOT! ;-)
Anyway, I just wanted to let some of you know that, in this letter, I am a little more open and honest than usual on the topic of sex, specifically my hopes and fears relating to it. Many of you are cherished friends and family, and I don't want to offend any of you, so I thought I'd just give that little warning before you read any further. It's up to you.

I just bought and watched the uncensored DVD of the critically acclaimed and controversial movie

Besides its explicit sexual content, this movie was profound, and unflinchingly honest. I loved the complex character development of the characters, especially James and Severin. Justin Bond was one of my favourite characters, and Peter Stickles played Caleb brilliantly. Artistically, the movie was visually stunning, especially the brilliantly animated aerial fly-over views of New York.

Lindsay Beamish played dominatrix Severin. Her performance is phenomenal! I can really relate to the character, except for the dominatrix part, of course ;-)
I saw Severin as someone who was totally out there in her sexual expression, yet hiding behind that facade was a very lonely and vulnerable person. I can relate, since I'm well known for my nude self-portrait photography on my website
including a few photos of my erection,
but sexually I feel anorexic and undesirable.
Masturbating to porn is the extent of my sex life.
I've had too many, "Let's just be friends," lines from women, so I am extremely gun shy.

Except for some experimentation with another boy my age when I was 14, I am still a virgin. Although I still have some sexual attraction to men, I am not interested in acting upon it. I am very interested in women and looking for an eventual wife. I'm also celibate till marriage because I know my emotional limits. As much as I want sex and constantly think about it, I only want to act on it within a lifelong commitment. The reason is I know how devastated I have been when my love goes unrequited emotionally. I want to avoid finding out what sexual rejection feels like, in the physical realm.

I was also brought up with conservative sexual mores, another thing that holds me back from being sexual with another person. I'm a lot more liberal than I used to be in philosophy, but in practice, I'm a celibate bi-sexual exhibitionist. How's that for an attention-getter? My biggest sexual turn-on is the thought of receiving fellatio. Perhaps it's because the first time I saw a hard core video, that just happened to be the first sex act shown. You know what they say about first impressions. I was totally blown (so to speak) away! I have still never experienced a blow job, but it's the one thing I most want sexually. Having been brought up in a conservative environment, I have this irrational fear that I will end up marrying a Christian woman who is opposed to fellatio. Duh? I mean, it's probably something that should be discussed before the wedding, but the fear keeps me from even asking a woman out on a date. I'm not looking for anything sexual on the date. I want to wait for marriage for that, but I also want to know everything right away. But asking a woman's opinion on blow jobs is probably not the best pick-up line, especially in my conservative Christian circles.

Love in Christ
(the best kind),

Tad (JTK.CA)
Guelph (pronounced "Gwelf"), Ontario, Canada, eh?
(519) 780-1057

Creative Adventurer

Artist, Poet, Photographer, and Nude Model

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